Wednesday, May 26, 2010

making a choice

I can choose to be negative... and I have. In the past there have been the true Negative Nancy kinds of days. I try to choose to be positive. it takes just as long to see the good side as it does the bad and I am trying hard to ignore the bad in the sense of if it not affecting me, I really don't want to know. but not in the head in the sand kind of way. bad things, when I hear about them, then truly have an effect on me. I am lessening my dullness to horror, increasing my sensitivity to other's pain.

There are days when I am irritated and it affects me more. When I am tired or ill and I just don't have the energy. I want to lash out at the world. Who doesn't have days like that?

MM just lined up our pink flip flops and counted them in Spanish, and now she is wearing my pink ones. She is a funny, fantastic girl... Em will be different, i am fairly certain of that.

The cat is sitting next to me and i am finishing a second bowl of cereal. I have berry berry kix which have less sugar. Mm is having some and Em seems to enjoy them and is the one who asked for more. At least that is how it seems.

My eating has been exponential it seems and I need to feed my body good stuff... which hasn't been on the list. Not enough veg, too many carbs... But I am craving them so... cereal. spaghetti. milk.

Now I really want to go back to bed. Just for 20 minutes, but that is really not an option with work and a young lady who is quite exuberant in the morning. Some days I have energy when I wake up and then it vanishes once i shower and eat something. probably carb crash.

i put my shoes on as soon as I got out of the shower. it is going to be a day of lots of water to bring the swelling down. But right now, all I want is sleep.

i remember this happening with MM in the womb. just a little nap, right? I knew I should have made coffee first thing... ack. choices... I was talking about choices and I rambled off somewhere.

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