Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Back trouble

This image makes me laugh.

I had to cancel the personal trainer and I went to the doctor instead. I tried to get myself to do some exercise but it hurt too darn much. I put in the DVD and tried to follow it while packing for our trip and i just didn't have the heart. Then I was so tired I laid down and took a little rest with cat.

My husband has determined that I will be lots of fun on this trip with all the meds I will be on. Hopefully I will not have to have them the whole time.

Back to the Wall

I have been battling weight since puberty. When I got my period I ballooned up to a size 11 at the age of 13 and have never been south of it since then. Weight is a way to disappear, because no one notices the fat girl. She blends in with the other nobodies and does not get noticed. The only problem is my personlity is not fat. it doesn't blend in and disappear. My personality is a skinny model that screams to be noticed in flashing prints and daring hemlines. No, it rolls down the runway in a size 6 and unfortunately, the body that carries it needs an airplane runway.

So this is where I am now. I am putting this out here in the world so that way it is public.

Monday, March 30, 2009


There's a joke in that headline somewhere. I went to the gym and worked on walking. I walked a mile and did the elliptical, that evil machine for 10 minutes. My legs still hurt from the 10k. I did a few leg presses, then realized my friggin back should not have extra stress so I stopped. Then i sat in the sauna to sweat some more and left. I should have stayed longer but the personal trainer is going to kill me tomorrow so I said, let's not overdo it. I am going to try to make it happen, this whole losing weight thing. The first thing is to find a groove. I am still looking for it.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

10K thoughts

SO yesterday I did the 10k. I beat my time for last year but I missed my 1:40 goal by 4 minutes. So now I am thinking about why I do these things. I get misty eyed when I see the survivors and their reasons. I have my reasons. I did not attach them to my back this year. I always do it for Michael. And for Mary Beth. I also do it for Marcy and for Suzanne and all those who have beaten it. But I watched the masses of people, 24,000 plus making their way along the street and is a feeling that you are part of something larger than yourself. A mass of people all doing the same thing together. Some people do not do it because of cancer. Some do it for fun, because they like to run 10Ks. I do it because I make a commitment to do it and finish. I make a commitment to finish better than the year before. So although our reasons are different, we still do the same thing. I am so glad to be a part of it. It is amazing watching all those people.
Still I wish I could run like the others do. I wish the pavement would fly by and I could eat up the ground faster and make it happen. My pokey little legs are slow, I am carrying 100 extra pounds and my stride is extremely short. Others can and have walked it faster than I did just by walking.
And sometimes I wonder what is the point of running? Why do it at all? Usually that is around mile 4 or 5, when you are fatigued and want to stop. The runner's high really hasn't hit me yet. But that is okay. I live for the finish line, to hear the people cheer as I cross. That is probably the reason why I do it.

Friday, March 27, 2009


Well here is the first post. Yay. I want to use this blog to work on my own goals and strategies and find a way to make it happen.