Sunday, May 30, 2010

sweating again

I am sitting here and sweating. i think it is part of the fluid retention going away, but I just replace it with more liquid. I have to keep myself from being dehydrated which has major consequences. I try to keep myself very motivated when it comes to liquid, I feel like that will be how I can keep the milk supply going eventually.

Em is active and moving. Contractions are happening but not in any rhythmic way. They come and go occasionally. Some of them are lighter which could be Em just stretching the right way. Others, well, ou know... they take your breath, and you have to breathe through them.

Had a baptism at church this morning and I got choked up about it. It is wonderful to see these things happen. Then I did junior church with MM and one other girl. I know MM would not sit through the service. eventually... but not now. One thing I was glad to say is that I found something I thought was lost and I am very glad I found it. Now I can focus on the things that need focus.

I hit the store this afternoon and stocked up on items. I had coupons and there were some things on sale. I also got coupons in the mail from Kroger and I used them; I even got things for free, which was very nice. Like a box of cheerios and some yogurt. I picked up some chips due to a need for guacamole which I will make tomorrow and some golden delicious apples that looked wonderful. MM likes her apple slices.

I was thinking about some of the things that we still have left to do, but one thing is done. MM's new dresser is put together. My hubby did it well and it is very nice. We also got her an extra wardrobe but it may not be needed due to the size of this dresser. Well, we still haven't carved out a space yet for Em. I imagine we will get there and then I need to ready the house for visitors... which I will need a couple of hands to make that happen.

Looking forward to some ice cream this evening. Trying to decide between a fantastic dark chocolate mint and chunky monkey. tough tough tough decision.

Funny, I was also looking for something else and I found yet another tube of antibiotic ointment. can you every have too much??

My this post is rambling. Ah well, tomorrow morning I am going to make carrot cake, MM and I will do the pool and the swing and have a great day. C has golf in the morning and then over to my brother's house for dinner. i need to remember to marinate the steaks. i also made a pasta salad and cut up some carrot and apple slices for snacks tomorrow. I am trying to avoid the whole sugar snack issue.

I look forward to tomorrow, knowing that Emily could throw a monkey wrench into it all... but that is will be nice to finally meet her.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

water water

So it is coming to the end of in vitro time... less than a week to the due date. Em is active in there and it is all I can do to keep the water coming in an effort to stave off edema. The last week when MM was ready I could barely walk and I was wearing flip flops. I am trying not to have that happen. I am thirsty a lot and i have to watch the sugar intake. But sometmes the cravings are there. I did not go insane for anything today at target except for cherry poptarts. I shared a pack with MM. I had a protein shake too, recognizing that my sugar crave is protein in disguise.

We went to the farmer's market and I bought beautiful carrots, zucchini and squash (mine is not ready yet) and some fresh bratwurst. I also found peach butter, and strawberries. I plan on making some shortcakes... and I should probably find a nice ripe peach for my hubby so he can have peach shortcake instead. Strawberry shortcake is one of my favorite and even though I have air whipped cream, it will do just fine. One less bowl to wash.

C is outside putting up the canopy and trying out the new toy, an air compressor and blowing up the new pool. He is facing some issues with the pool so we will hold off making a trek outside just yet. I will ready our things and then get her lunch ready for a picnic, get our towels and head out once he gets the pool filled. It is not quite ready for action and the water will be cold. So i will get the other things ready and maybe take a rest in the swing if a certain little girl can not wiggle so much.

I really need to pull the stuff out upstairs. Carseat and the like. There is also the breast pump that I want to use so that MM can try a hand at feeding. No formula yet, thank you. No contractions other than an occasional one here and there. Most of the whoa moments come from Em stretching. I remember MM doing that.

So...I guess I will do some of the stuff upstairs, like find my maternity swim suit and MM's towel. and pull out those things if I have the yen. funny I sit in this chair at the Dr table and all I can feel is Em's head pressing on my pelvic bones as if to remind me that time is closer than ever.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Great morning to be alive

Feeling good and I have some energy, probably because I haven't eaten. I know that sounds odd. I have had coffee and it tastes so good.

Charles' birthday present arrived yesterday and I am so excited. I am excited to give it to him and I hope that he will be too.

We get to go to dinner by ourselves and that should be great. Cloth napkins!!! I divide restaurants that kid friendly versus not by the type of napkin. If they have paper napkins, usually it is ok. All chains like the Apple restaurant and chili peppers use a form of cloth but it is still paper. And they have crayons. That's kid friendly. I am looking for a someplace where for 2 hours, that is not my focus. I would rather my focus be him. I think it is extremely selfish of parents to take their kids to a restaurant with cloth napkins IF their kids are not schooled on proper dinner etiquette. If I pay a lot of money for food, I expect the atmosphere to be part of it. We are working on proper dinner etiquette and until that is driven home, MM will not see a restaurant like that. Some days she does better than others. But if she is tired or cranky, you might as well get it to go or just stay home.

We might actually make it out the door on time today! I won't hold my breath. It is a humid morning where any exertion brings on a pool of sweat. I remember this happens in late May and early June. I start to get moving or exert energy and it gushes from my forehead. That was happening yesterday after I ate something sugary. Or drank something sugary. That tells me that I am getting close on insulin and I need to take a step back from the sugar. I have been craving it lately which is really a need for protein. At least the recognition is there.

Well before we leave I need to throw some laundry in. then I will have to wipe off the sweat and roll on out of here. doc appointment today, so we will see what happens.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

making a choice

I can choose to be negative... and I have. In the past there have been the true Negative Nancy kinds of days. I try to choose to be positive. it takes just as long to see the good side as it does the bad and I am trying hard to ignore the bad in the sense of if it not affecting me, I really don't want to know. but not in the head in the sand kind of way. bad things, when I hear about them, then truly have an effect on me. I am lessening my dullness to horror, increasing my sensitivity to other's pain.

There are days when I am irritated and it affects me more. When I am tired or ill and I just don't have the energy. I want to lash out at the world. Who doesn't have days like that?

MM just lined up our pink flip flops and counted them in Spanish, and now she is wearing my pink ones. She is a funny, fantastic girl... Em will be different, i am fairly certain of that.

The cat is sitting next to me and i am finishing a second bowl of cereal. I have berry berry kix which have less sugar. Mm is having some and Em seems to enjoy them and is the one who asked for more. At least that is how it seems.

My eating has been exponential it seems and I need to feed my body good stuff... which hasn't been on the list. Not enough veg, too many carbs... But I am craving them so... cereal. spaghetti. milk.

Now I really want to go back to bed. Just for 20 minutes, but that is really not an option with work and a young lady who is quite exuberant in the morning. Some days I have energy when I wake up and then it vanishes once i shower and eat something. probably carb crash.

i put my shoes on as soon as I got out of the shower. it is going to be a day of lots of water to bring the swelling down. But right now, all I want is sleep.

i remember this happening with MM in the womb. just a little nap, right? I knew I should have made coffee first thing... ack. choices... I was talking about choices and I rambled off somewhere.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


much better this morning... I did end up taking some benadryl, which made for no itching until 3 in the morning when , the itching returned. Little spots of it... itch itch itch. arm, thigh, back... but it seems to be getting better. I worried about perhaps a unknown disease or something silly like that... then I decided that being overly dramatic really wasn't my style. I did my research and checked on line...

I made a list of things to finish at work today. There were 4 jobs I left in my queue from yesterday.... Yeah.. I left the 40 page powerpoint for this morning. I figured I did not have the brian power last night, but this morning is a different story.

I have a good cup of coffee and I have to get my breakfast on, but I am doing well otherwise. MM looks very cute in her new dress.
That's all for now.

Monday, May 24, 2010


well my back hurts... and I am not sure if it from the too much salt and not enough water thing... I can't tell, but my legs are swollen. There is some tightening in my belly but that could be from the lack of water; BH contractions are brought on by that...

Still would like to hold out for June, but as someone said today... I have no control over that.

So I am working on my thank yous for the shower and from people who gave me lovely gifts at work... I do dearly love them all.

The cat is sitting on me here at the table, waiting for me to go to bed... I am almost there. I have been really tired today and someplace horizontal would be nice. I did get my work done, so I feel more caught up. Would like to get to work closer to 8 tomorrow... we'll see what happens... at this point, I just want to finish stuff up. feel like I would like to call it after this week and not have to go next week, but something tell me to hold off on that given what MM was like... again, not my call.

Another couple of spots of eczema... itch...

Looking to put my feet up... maybe some cold compresses to bring down the swelling.... they hurt and it is hard to flex the feet. I will see if the upload of water will help the situation... I guess red sauce for dinner was not the smartest thing to do, but heavens it was tasty.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

What am I getting myself into...

I agreed to have my brother and his family over for dinner, which means I get to clean the house... with no help and a birthday party to attend. I would love to not go, but that is not an option. So we will go and I will make lists of all that has to be done, maybe can be done and might get done. At this point, I am hoping to clean off the table. Sad, isn't it?

I realized this morning that we have no birthday present to give so that is an added layer of stress.. that I have no idea what to serve for dinner, another layer, and I really really really do not have a lot of energy this morning. But I will find it somewhere.

last night, I fell asleep quickly woke up only 2-3 times to hit the bathroom. MM came in between 6 and 6:30 so now I am finishing up this blog, will drink my fabulous coffee, find the brown skirt, put the things next to the door that need to be taken to church and start on the note cards for people... along with the thank you cards for people who have given me presents. i have 2-3 more to do.

itch itch itch. finding eczema in other exciting places... maybe I will get my bath tonight and be able to put it to rest. I have a few spots on my face and back and AAAAACK

There is a river of ants on the floor where a piece of brownie dropped. C just called because the server move that they were supposed to be doing without him, involved him anyway... on his golf trip. He has had 3 hours of sleep and is supposed to be on the tee in an hour. That means he will be a barrel of fun later and no help whatsoever.

OK so time to scale back items for the day. itch itch itch. I think we will go with what is important.

I'll do my best to give an update later.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Quick post

Sitting down cause I loaded the dishwasher and I had to after I finished. Em keeps moving and part of me is like, is that a contraction? So I sat and took a load off for 30 minutes. I am waiting for the bread to rise in the oven and I am trying to avoid making the cookies because I know MM wants to help. That mean I have to get all the ingredients ready for her. She said chocolate chip but I am thinking oatmeal raisin. One of hubby's favorites.

I made brownies this morning for tomorrow so i figure I can get the brownies and cookies on a platter for tonight and take it so I do not have to try to manage that tomorrow. Shortly I have to turn up the oven to 450, I was contemplating making rosemary cheese biscuits as well because i have had a yen for them, the oven will be up and it is another dish. Not sure if I have to bring anything tonight, so I guess I will make those so I can at least have something just in case. Somehow I am going to have to sneak a shower in as well... not sure how that is going to work, but I will wear my cotton dress with its sweater and that should be fine. Tomorrow I have to wear the brown skirt, so I guess I will locate that tonight.

Got part of MM;s room done, again, I took a rest this morning due to the fact that I was up early. It will be done... just not as quickly as I want.

OK, time to get moving on the other pieces... oh and I drank a liter of water. need to get another in. :)


I am working on trying to get things organized here in the house for the inevitable birth of Miss Emily. Someone made me a diaper cake madeout of rolled up diapers and there are a lot of them, it seems. So I had to break that down and get those in a container to make me not go crazy. Today I will be working on other items as well. I am going to clean MM's room while she is visiting Uncle Andy and it will take some time. I just had the rest of my coffee, cold and ate a peanut butter raisin toast sandwich. MM is watching School House Rock.

Every time i think of something that causes me stress, my eczema itches. That tells me something. There has been some tension at work and that makes it more interesting and makes me itch. There is work to do for church... itch. Then there is my disaster of a house and my husband is not here right now.... itch.

I was sure to put on socks immediately this morning to stave off the swelling and I will be doubling the water today. Read about the "water cure" last night and it is an interesting concept of drinking half of your weight in ounces... for me, right now that is about 125-130 ounces a day. Sad but true. i got on the scale at the doc's office and it was at 263... they did a minor freak out and said that was too much... No kidding, check out my ankles I had pizza and it is 80 degrees out. Of course i am retaining water. i tried to avoid salt today and I couldn't take it... my body was CRAVING IT. Salt and vineagar potato chips never will taste as good as they did yesterday. When i came home from Costco I drank a liter of water before bed and another liter through the night. Come morning, they were not completely down, but better. So more water today to help with that situation. The socks also help keep the fluid from pooling in my feet and allow me to put on shoes. kind of necessary.

The wall just hit for me... not a lot of sleep and being up early... and I am tired already. i tried to lay down but MM is too exuberant this morning and it is irritating. Not her fault, but it is stressful... itch itch itch.

So there you go. I will try to post on my progress later.

Friday, May 21, 2010



My helper in making a cake yesterday. This is my 3 year old. Yes she is taller than the stove.

She is tasting the chocolate ganache that is covering the chocolate cake. I messed up the frosting. it was too thick. Yes I know... but it was too thick as I added too much sugar. Do you see the bulge on the side? The mousse did not set up properly for the filling, so it bulged out the sides. But it tasted good. So perhaps I will try it again... sometime.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


I have discovered that games are beginning to bore me... well they have for some time now. I guess I go through cycles, but I sat there in front of the screen playing a game and I thought... this is pointless. There is no end to it, really, you could go on playing... what are you avoiding? And i looked at the mess on the table, the pile of presents int he corner and the dishes in the sink... the answers are there to what we are avoiding if we choose to look at them. If we choose.

What good choices should we make? I heard my brother use that line with his children. Make a good choice. I have not tried that with my child. I tell her it is wrong or right. She's 3. later on I will ask her... or I ask her now what should she do next? i am trying to model the spirit of thinking things through. I give her a run down of the events of the day, of what will happen at night, so it is not a surprise. If something different needs to happen, I will tell her that too. Things do change and she needs to know that. So we talk about it so she is aware.

I guess as I think about it I think about the choices of what we do and the choices we make and should we continue to do the things that bore us? why continue to play a game that has no meaning? Should I be reading instead? What should I read? I feel like I haven't picked up a book in ages and I should be reading but i start to read and it bores me. Plot lines, dramas of any kind do not hold my interest.

I do go through this every couple of years... some might call it depression. But I actually think I am coming out of depression. I think i am finally seeing the sun and realizing there is more to life than the computer, facebook and games. Things in my house need to be done in the coming of this tiny new being. Not exactly prepare the royal highway, but that comes to mind. that is what needs to be done... the new way.

I will have to think on this a little more. And my life will be taken up with a preparing. Just like my hips are spreading... I have to prepare for the new. Change is coming. I need to be ready to adapt and spring forth and make something happen. I will embrace the change. Wear it like a light gauze coat that move with the breezes and point me in the direction I need to go.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Feeling showered; garden update

I had a baby shower today and I was so pleased. It was a lovely time and I was loaded down with diapers and onesies and felt truly showered with love.

Yesterday was a beautiful day as well. MM and I had her siblings class in the morning and then we drove up to Lavender Fields farm and got some herbs for the garden. I have been without sage and basil for a year now and I am determined to try to keep parsley alive. My rosemary is growing strong. I also got some thyme to make up for the stuff I killed last year while trying to transplant it. And I bought a mint plant and planted it in a large circle pot to keep it from growing crazy. The bee balm is looking good this year and the the two or three plants I transplanted from the circle garden are enjoying their new homes nicely. Especially the lavender!! it is really enjoying its new roots and has literally a hundred spikes for blossoms coming. I am very excited about that and it was the one I was really worried about. it had been in its spot for 3 or 4 years now.

I didn't get to the tansy in time so it will have to wait until after it flowers and I think that the other stuff will do fine once it gets moved. it is hard to battle the weeds that love their spot in the garden so I rarely try to fight them every year... usually I remember to mulch around the tomatoes and I have a barrel full of grass to mulch around the zucchini plants but I really am the absent minded gardener. The asparagus have all bolted... they did not do well this year. there was some kind of weirdness on them that I will have to look at to try to prevent next year. My uncle put down wood chips so perhaps I will try that rather than the leaves. might be too wet for them. They were kind of twisted with little black growths on the stalks that looked like they were sucking the plant of its moisture. hmm. I will have to do research.

So I looked over the plants I planted yesterday and gave them a bit more water today... the peas will be very short as I did not string them... might be easier to pick but less volume.

I sat outside and wrote about 50% of the thank you notes for my shower presents and will have to get those finished up tomorrow. MM played outside and generally was doing well, she had things to play with that made a difference and that would hold her attention. oh I forgot to check the caps on the dry erase markers. But if I go outside right now I would be swarmed by a zillion mosquitoes. No thanks.

It is almost 10 so I ought to prepare for Monday morning. I am hoping that I will be able to sleep better this evening. It has been uncomfortable for both of us...

As I am writing I am scratching something on my fingers. Look like I have some sort of rash. little bumps so it could be a poison ivy of some sort or another. i do not remember seeing any but then.. you never know. I will have to get some ointment on it.

Well this was a random post full of all the mushy musing of my pregnant brain. hmmm. One of these days I will post some pictures from my garden. I do have some very pretty flowers.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


i did the race for the cure this morning and surprisingly I am still upright and lucid. I will admit I am tired... Lots more sun than I anticipated so that takes it out of me.

I have been loading up on liquids. Finally planted some flowers after killing some on the back porch. I really need to be careful about that. But they all got planted and I was glad that I was able to do that. All the lovely dirt that is in the garden is now covered in weeds, and this belly does not allow for that. Also I forgot to string the peas so they are short and beginning to flower. Hard to make up for that.

So i got almost all of the one ones done that I was anticipating on using and I have two more pots to go. The circle garden will have to wait for my mom to dig into it. I am about done. i wish I had a second pair of hands to help with the work that needs to be done around here.

I got rid of most of the linens I had in the last purge and included the covers that were torn or damaged. Problem is I have exactly one cover for the bed, as in coverlet that works for spring/summer. Others I have are doubles and worthless. So guess what I get to buy tomorrow on Mother's Day!? Retail therapy for mommy. That and perhaps a chance to sleep in the hammock for an hour. That would be nice.

Alas, bed is calling.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Cementing faith

As I sit here and write, my daughter is in the tub, the NASCAR race is on the TV and I am more tired than I have been in a while. I was up very early, baking bread and making potato salad for a funeral. I did not sleep well last night due to consuming some ice cream that had coffee in it. I kept my husband up. I do not think I will do that this evening.

The person who died was a Lutheran pastor who was retired, but still would cover in our church if need be. He had parishes within Virginia in the past, but our church was where he spent his retirement. I knew him as a delightful person who was never without a smile. He and his wife would be a constant in our church.

It was obvious how much this man was loved and revered by the many pastors, the bishop and previous parishioners came to the service. I was amazed by the amount of people. The pews were filled. I arrived 10 minutes before the service and had to hike from across the street at the middle school, waddling the whole way. It was one of the first time there was NO seating within the sanctuary and I was relegated to the Narthex. There were a few good things about this, I was able to get up and use the restroom without disturbing anyone. I was able to hear everything just fine, but the crowning jewel of the day was at the very end I was in the Narthex and I was concerned that I would be standing there singing the last hymn and be in the way. Nothing could be further from the truth. The many pastors who came to this service were circled in the Narthex singing "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God" along with me. The voices in the Narthex rivaled the ones in the sanctuary in their breadth and depth and I was moved to the point of tears. These men and women were singing their hearts out in celebration of a man who lived a long and full life and now has gone to the best reward; a good and faithful servant.

The choir did an anthem of "In Thee Is Gladness" as well. Another song that has a personal meaning and spirit for me. It was the song we sang at my first wedding. Even though I have heard it many times in the past 14 years, it will always be important to me.

Songs have a way of connecting people to a time and event. It is something about the shared space of belonging that is binds us together. A type of solidarity that will never be broken. You remember things when they are connected to sight and smell and song.

I sometimes wonder whether I should look further into pursuing a more rewarding line of work. It would be my wish to help as many people as this man helped. To inspire as many as this man did. Not because I want to see that many people at my funeral, but I guess the desire is more to be a blessing to those who need it. I suppose I don't need a line of work for that... but the calling seems to be there... just not sure what it is saying to me.

I know this is outside my usual posting of fitness and making myself into a better person... but perhaps it works...