Saturday, November 21, 2009


I was reading a post over at Skinny Therese about vocational choices and weight loss. I think that people definitely starve themselves of the things they love and compensate with food. And the food is never enough, the shopping is never enough, the (place your obsession here) is never enough. Why do we search for such things? What are we missing in life that causes these things to happen?

I remember getting really depressed seeing the housing divisions spring up in places where farmland used to be. I have always wanted a home, but seeing that housing spring up, those "little boxes made of ticky tacky" didn't seem like home to me and didn't seem like a good investment. There is a part of me that is wild and outlandish and wants to break free and sail away, to hell with everyone else. But, you can only do that once and you can't go back once you do those things. I am not a prodigal son, nor do I see being welcomed back with loving arms. I see them holding me at an arms length, wondering when I will cut and run again. So I ignore that part of me and focus on the solid dependable foundation of house and home, love and family and my comfort resides there. The wild and outlandish part of me is overpowered by safety and assurance. It bubbles occasionally, but rarely does it get its way. It is more rare now than ever.

The sky looks like snow though we are too far south and it is too warm for that. I keep thinking about the time I will spend in Ohio (It snows a lot there) and I love it there. No, I love my parents... where ever they are. I have a fondness for Ohio, but I feel like my parents raised me in cocoon of middle class, of books and music, thoughts and ideas. I felt so out of place with most of my class. It will be interesting to see what they all are like when I return next year for the reunion... with a 1 month old baby in tow. The kids in high school all were interested in partying and hooking up and all I wanted to do was get out. I knew the world was bigger than Rootstown. Not to say I didn't get a darn good education there, that is not my point... but I knew there was more, and I wanted to explore it. The wild and untamed side of me I guess. There are people who still live there and that is fine.

The neighborhood I am in now is solid working class and that is fine, but I sense this area is not right for us. We need to be elsewhere. The house will go on the market and we will find our spot... eventually. Still in the Richmond area... but I think a little more in tune with who we are and what we do. I like to garden and C likes his ham radio, so they have to be compatible with that. At this point, I know there is a house out there that is waiting to become our home. Somewhere.

For right now, there are more chores to be done, I have things to get rid of... I am purging. It feels good. The guilt of spending the money is there, but I am trying to purge that as well. Clean closet, clean mind.

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