Change

Change for the most part is a good thing, even if you do not think that it is when you are in the middle of it. In thinking about it from a completely selfish perspective, the changes that I make to my life can affect other people, but I am concerned about my perspective here and no one else's. That may seem rude, but I am narrowing this focus.

My life changed for better or worse when I married a man stricken with cancer while I was in my 20's. His death was incredibly tough to handle and I shut down for a year or so. I went back to school and before I graduated, had a crisis and never finished. The pictures of me walking mock me along with my moldy MA cape and empty degree folder.

Now I am married again, with 2 children, and finding myself shutting down again. Not sure which direction to go, what I really should be doing, but I am unsatisfied with what is going on in my life. Not with my marriage, or my children, but the purpose beyond that. I am unsatisfied with the position I find myself in and I want to change.

I want to make a difference in my health, for my children's sake. I am too tired and I need my body to be there for me as I age. I'm too fat and I don't exercise. I haven't been eating well for about 4 years with bursts of activity/unchanged habits. Something has to change. The other day my baby belly showed it's ugly self when I rolled over on my side and there was a huge slab of flesh that followed the laws of gravity. it's been 7 months since my child has been born. Something has to change.

So I started with buying fresh fruit and vegetables. I carried yogurt and bananas into work. I eat when I am hungry and try to eat things that are better. I am not there yet. The siren song of sweet litle donuts are too hard to resist, but all things in moderation.

The morning after the belly thing I laid down on the bed after my shower and I did 60 crunches. it took about 2 minutes. I did 30 minutes on the Wii. The burn of lactic acid the next day made me smile rather than wince. I wanted to make it happen.

But when I came home last night at 9:30 from a meeting, I found my husband hooked into a TV show and I didn't exercise. I sat and decompressed. I thought about the next day and mentally pulled out clothes and got my morning ready. The baby was up a lot last night and so was I. I slept in until 7:15 and started the morning whirl. I was up last night thinking about change and how I could make a difference.

So here is my thought.... I am going to try to post my changes, my Wii time, my thoughts here as I work towards a goal of changing to be healthier. I weigh 240 pounds. I am currently in a size 20/22 (2X) and I am ready to make a change for the future. I was hoping that this will help me as another vehicle for change. I think I am ready. And along the way, maybe I can find out what it is I am really supposed to be doing with my life.

The journey starts today.