Back from Mommyland

For the last two weeks I have been a human milk machine and keeping a young one alive from the outside of my body rather than the inside.

Em was born on June 6th because I actually wanted my doc to do it and she was fantastic. I was smart about it as well. I asked to be induced on a Sunday while she was on duty, it was quiet and she was there almost the entire time, unheard of in L&D. I got my epidural. My doctor said I made it look to easy. 3 very big pushes and she was out! The pressure was not fun, but it was fine. It got me where I needed to be. My 17 year old niece was there and got to cut the cord.

Now, two weeks later, I am back below my pre-pregnancy weight. I was retaining a LOT of water. My feet look halfway normal. Now the quest will begin to find a way to exercise with a 2 week old. Not sure how we will do that, but we'll try.

Coffee is brewing and I have the new Evanovich novel to finish and get back to the library. MM is home today due to a sick babysitter. This day should be interesting. I told MM we are going to Target and she wanted to get dressed immediately. First time for everything.

Tired

Due date... and no Emily. Rats.

I was hoping, but no, instead... we get to induce on Sunday morning.

Now I get to go to bed and think about the other stuff tomorrow.

But part of me wishes it were over and that I could get on with the next phase. I am anxious to meet my next girl.

But mostly I am tired. And my feet are large and they hurt from edema.

Still here

But oh, am I feeling it today and my brain still has some power left, but my body does not. I ended up waking at 3 in the morning to comfort MM and now I am dragging. I ended up going back to sleep at 5:30 after working for about 2 hours on stuff for work. Em was up at 3:30 and just bouncing in my stomach. It was a concern... but then I have a tendency to push to the extremes of thought and think... what if ... like what if my water broke and I didn't know it? Would I continually leak? What if it happened while I was in the pool and didn't know? What if she is having trouble and the 3 or 4 minutes of continuous constant movement was a sign of trouble? That's enough to keep anyone anxious and awake.

Perhaps I am being overly dramatic. I hate drama.

So after a really slow start this morning, I am working on work items this morning and getting ready to clean off my desk. I am getting that feeling that I am close and once this starts, it will go a heck of a lot quicker than before. i do not remember my hips feeling like this prior. All i want to do now is make this happen for Emily so my body can start bouncing back. She and I will get through this together and make it happen.

sweating again

I am sitting here and sweating. i think it is part of the fluid retention going away, but I just replace it with more liquid. I have to keep myself from being dehydrated which has major consequences. I try to keep myself very motivated when it comes to liquid, I feel like that will be how I can keep the milk supply going eventually.

Em is active and moving. Contractions are happening but not in any rhythmic way. They come and go occasionally. Some of them are lighter which could be Em just stretching the right way. Others, well, ou know... they take your breath, and you have to breathe through them.

Had a baptism at church this morning and I got choked up about it. It is wonderful to see these things happen. Then I did junior church with MM and one other girl. I know MM would not sit through the service. eventually... but not now. One thing I was glad to say is that I found something I thought was lost and I am very glad I found it. Now I can focus on the things that need focus.

I hit the store this afternoon and stocked up on items. I had coupons and there were some things on sale. I also got coupons in the mail from Kroger and I used them; I even got things for free, which was very nice. Like a box of cheerios and some yogurt. I picked up some chips due to a need for guacamole which I will make tomorrow and some golden delicious apples that looked wonderful. MM likes her apple slices.

I was thinking about some of the things that we still have left to do, but one thing is done. MM's new dresser is put together. My hubby did it well and it is very nice. We also got her an extra wardrobe but it may not be needed due to the size of this dresser. Well, we still haven't carved out a space yet for Em. I imagine we will get there and then I need to ready the house for visitors... which I will need a couple of hands to make that happen.

Looking forward to some ice cream this evening. Trying to decide between a fantastic dark chocolate mint and chunky monkey. tough tough tough decision.

Funny, I was also looking for something else and I found yet another tube of antibiotic ointment. can you every have too much??

My this post is rambling. Ah well, tomorrow morning I am going to make carrot cake, MM and I will do the pool and the swing and have a great day. C has golf in the morning and then over to my brother's house for dinner. i need to remember to marinate the steaks. i also made a pasta salad and cut up some carrot and apple slices for snacks tomorrow. I am trying to avoid the whole sugar snack issue.

I look forward to tomorrow, knowing that Emily could throw a monkey wrench into it all... but that is ok.it will be nice to finally meet her.

water water

So it is coming to the end of in vitro time... less than a week to the due date. Em is active in there and it is all I can do to keep the water coming in an effort to stave off edema. The last week when MM was ready I could barely walk and I was wearing flip flops. I am trying not to have that happen. I am thirsty a lot and i have to watch the sugar intake. But sometmes the cravings are there. I did not go insane for anything today at target except for cherry poptarts. I shared a pack with MM. I had a protein shake too, recognizing that my sugar crave is protein in disguise.

We went to the farmer's market and I bought beautiful carrots, zucchini and squash (mine is not ready yet) and some fresh bratwurst. I also found peach butter, and strawberries. I plan on making some shortcakes... and I should probably find a nice ripe peach for my hubby so he can have peach shortcake instead. Strawberry shortcake is one of my favorite and even though I have air whipped cream, it will do just fine. One less bowl to wash.

C is outside putting up the canopy and trying out the new toy, an air compressor and blowing up the new pool. He is facing some issues with the pool so we will hold off making a trek outside just yet. I will ready our things and then get her lunch ready for a picnic, get our towels and head out once he gets the pool filled. It is not quite ready for action and the water will be cold. So i will get the other things ready and maybe take a rest in the swing if a certain little girl can not wiggle so much.

I really need to pull the stuff out upstairs. Carseat and the like. There is also the breast pump that I want to use so that MM can try a hand at feeding. No formula yet, thank you. No contractions other than an occasional one here and there. Most of the whoa moments come from Em stretching. I remember MM doing that.

So...I guess I will do some of the stuff upstairs, like find my maternity swim suit and MM's towel. and pull out those things if I have the yen. funny I sit in this chair at the Dr table and all I can feel is Em's head pressing on my pelvic bones as if to remind me that time is closer than ever.

Great morning to be alive

Feeling good and I have some energy, probably because I haven't eaten. I know that sounds odd. I have had coffee and it tastes so good.

Charles' birthday present arrived yesterday and I am so excited. I am excited to give it to him and I hope that he will be too.

We get to go to dinner by ourselves and that should be great. Cloth napkins!!! I divide restaurants that kid friendly versus not by the type of napkin. If they have paper napkins, usually it is ok. All chains like the Apple restaurant and chili peppers use a form of cloth but it is still paper. And they have crayons. That's kid friendly. I am looking for a someplace where for 2 hours, that is not my focus. I would rather my focus be him. I think it is extremely selfish of parents to take their kids to a restaurant with cloth napkins IF their kids are not schooled on proper dinner etiquette. If I pay a lot of money for food, I expect the atmosphere to be part of it. We are working on proper dinner etiquette and until that is driven home, MM will not see a restaurant like that. Some days she does better than others. But if she is tired or cranky, you might as well get it to go or just stay home.

We might actually make it out the door on time today! I won't hold my breath. It is a humid morning where any exertion brings on a pool of sweat. I remember this happens in late May and early June. I start to get moving or exert energy and it gushes from my forehead. That was happening yesterday after I ate something sugary. Or drank something sugary. That tells me that I am getting close on insulin and I need to take a step back from the sugar. I have been craving it lately which is really a need for protein. At least the recognition is there.

Well before we leave I need to throw some laundry in. then I will have to wipe off the sweat and roll on out of here. doc appointment today, so we will see what happens.

making a choice

I can choose to be negative... and I have. In the past there have been the true Negative Nancy kinds of days. I try to choose to be positive. it takes just as long to see the good side as it does the bad and I am trying hard to ignore the bad in the sense of if it not affecting me, I really don't want to know. but not in the head in the sand kind of way. bad things, when I hear about them, then truly have an effect on me. I am lessening my dullness to horror, increasing my sensitivity to other's pain.

There are days when I am irritated and it affects me more. When I am tired or ill and I just don't have the energy. I want to lash out at the world. Who doesn't have days like that?

MM just lined up our pink flip flops and counted them in Spanish, and now she is wearing my pink ones. She is a funny, fantastic girl... Em will be different, i am fairly certain of that.

The cat is sitting next to me and i am finishing a second bowl of cereal. I have berry berry kix which have less sugar. Mm is having some and Em seems to enjoy them and is the one who asked for more. At least that is how it seems.

My eating has been exponential it seems and I need to feed my body good stuff... which hasn't been on the list. Not enough veg, too many carbs... But I am craving them so... cereal. spaghetti. milk.

Now I really want to go back to bed. Just for 20 minutes, but that is really not an option with work and a young lady who is quite exuberant in the morning. Some days I have energy when I wake up and then it vanishes once i shower and eat something. probably carb crash.

i put my shoes on as soon as I got out of the shower. it is going to be a day of lots of water to bring the swelling down. But right now, all I want is sleep.

i remember this happening with MM in the womb. just a little nap, right? I knew I should have made coffee first thing... ack. choices... I was talking about choices and I rambled off somewhere.